May 19, 2017

Four and a Half Years Reflection

This week was Matt and I’s half anniversary. And while we don’t celebrate it, I’m a dates girl and just love remembering little things like that. While thinking about being married for 4 and a half years, I started thinking about how long 4 years is. 4 years is the amount of time Matt and I were friends/dated before marriage, the length of time you spend in college, the length of high school… and it’s crazy to think that we’ve been married longer than all those milestones.

Four and a half years seems like a long time until I remember I’m 27 and that I have 27 minus 4 and a half minus 4 (18) years of life where Matt didn’t exist to me. And while we’ve shared lots of stories, there still so much he doesn’t know about me and my past and that’s crazy. When we are in conversation and I remember a childhood memory or thought and he hasn’t heard it before, it reminds me that he hasn’t always been there… and that makes me sad and happy.

Sad because I would have LOVED for Matt to have seen ALL my grandparents; to get to know them when they were in better health; to know the personal strugglesI had throughout middle school; to have saved me from 2 terrible proms; to understand what it means to grow up in a small town; to know the rigor of PGSMST AND Bassett Marching Band.

But at the same time happy because who we were may not have clicked as well as who we are now and who we want to be. We have both changed leaps and bounds from our childhood, adolescent, and teenage selves. We met as we were growing and maturing and our visions of the future clicked and melted together perfectly as the Lord saw fit.

So while it saddens me I have so much in my heart that Matt will never truly know, I wouldn’t trade a thing because it brought us together at the exact right moment to make our today.

May 17th, thanks for sparking my desire for reflection. It’s always nice to put my fingers to the keys and just let my heart pour out a bit. <3